My Shiver Story – The Fiery Haired Girl

The yoga studio I belong to has been doing a monthly art journaling series on the book Women Who Run with Wolves. This month we discussed Shiver Stories & learned how to draw sigils.

My Sigil Board

Surrender to the Journey – this has been my mantra for the past month. The doodles show 2 different sigil designs based on this phrase.

This was a really fun exercise to practice being creative while having guidelines/format to help get started.

Shiver stories / temblon “overtly entertain but are meant to cause listeners to experience a shiver of awareness that leads to thoughtfulness, contemplation & action.”

Below is my fist attempt at my own Shiver Story:


During the first years of her life, the little fiery haired girl was labeled the vitality of her family. The only offspring of a generation (and unfortunately female) she recognized she was the heiress to all of her familial inheritance but also their deep psychological wounds.

She had an undeniable spark about her. The early days of her youth were filled with adventure, passion & creativity. She loved to be the center of attention and would entertain guests with stories and songs she composed. She embodied light, but soon realized that came with a cost. For there are always those waiting in the shadows to siphon from the most endowed.

She was often observed as possessing a nature that was both precocious and alluring. Her life story would be full of opposing dialectics, but none as deeply impactful as this. For to be a child, and to be viewed as alluring, can be an avenue to adult experiences.

She was studious and intelligent beyond her years. Being the only child in the fold, she spent her days alternating between fantastical realms in her imagination (informed by her voracious reading habits) and quietly observing the world of the adults.

As heiress of the bloodline it was important she know the family history as well as continue the faith. Educational years were spent in echo chambers of indoctrination. The consistency & intensity of the message was enough to brainwash the rest of her cohort into submission.

But the fiery little girl had the gift of sight. She could understand so clearly what the others did not. The pious nature, the devotion, the shall/shall nots – these were not rules that those around her endeavored to achieve full-heartedly as they so preached.

It was all as a masquerade. A set of rules that harbored spilt personalities – the public persona vs the private persona. You actions in public must prove to others that you are a devout follower. Meanwhile the behaviors that occurred in the privacy of home follow an entirely different playbook.

It was during this time that she learned to compartmentalize her life. She presented as ever so studious pupil in public, while walling off a part of her that knew the TRUTH.

As we all know this comes with a cost.

By adolescent the fiery haired girl had already begun to lose her vitality – even her hair had lost its once lustrous sheen. She saw the world as a desolate and cruel environment. As her mother watched her spark extinguish, she extended her daughter methods of coping with the pain. A modern miracle cure – a simple pill to provide relief.

Numbness ensued. It enveloped her and she persisted in this purgatory for the next two decades. Not dead (though her soul felt completely withered) but not alive either. Numb.

After years of disillusionment, one day she had enough. She was no longer willing to live in the in between. Continuing to merely survive in a medication induced haze was not worth the efforts and trials of existing.

She made a pilgrimage to the realm of her childhood. For years she had known it was all an ignis fatuus, but never had she seen it so clearly before. What had once felt like an imposing fortress was clearly a mirage – no more than wax paper and mirrors.

The king still presided over what remained of his court (as his life had lingered past its assumed expiration). A grin formed across his face as he recognized her approaching him. His favorite pet had returned. He rose to his feet and extended his arms – imagining a progridal son moment no doubt.

As she stepped over the hearth, she let out a blood curling scream. A wail of anguish first her own – then of her mother, her grandmothers, and every woman that came before her. In that instance the chamber burst into flames. The entire dwelling devoured in fire. The look in his eyes – animalistic fear – and then betrayal.

She knew that look. It was a mirror image to her own eyes so many moons ago.

She did not meet the fire with fear – she held her head high and allowed it to consume her. For she knew with it comes redemption. Drawing her final breath, she made direct eye contact and then she winked at him. Her destiny fulfilled.

ADHD Life Hack – VITALS Daily Checklist

Continuing on last week’s theme of ADHD Hacks, I realized I have not yet shared my VITALS acronym!!

I wrote it earlier this year for a client who had a period of completely unstructured time between jobs. They didn’t want to be boxed into a daily routine, because they wanted to take advantage time outside a traditional work schedule.

The goal was to provide a daily checklist of sorts – a structure for productivity / accountability that allowed for flexibility. I think it does just that!!

In a perfect world we would all be able to attend to each of these “categories of needs” daily. In a modern world – that’s probably an unrealistic standard for most. Since we already know the ADHD crew is prone to all-or-nothing approach, remember our aim in implementing VITALS is a middle path.

I encourage keeping a journal or a phone note where you write out the acronym each day. As with DBT diary cards, we’re looking for patterns in the data trends. Having access of multiple weeks worth of information can help you identify cycles and vulnerability points.


V – Vessel: Properly care for your body:
Hydration – Drink as much water as possible. Reduce dependance on sugar/artificial/caffeine beverages.
Fuel – Aim for balanced diet. The more food that is directly from the earth, the better.
Reduce dependance on fast/convenience foods as they are tend to be most highly processed.
Exercise – Move your body for at least 30 minutes/day.
Sleep – Aim for 6-9 hours of sleep, in as close to a regulated cycle as your life allows.
Turn off all screens 30 minute before bedtime.
Meds/Supplements – Take at roughly same time daily.

I – Income: For many this is still structured work hours. However, I wrote this with creative/digital nomads like myself in mind. This could be direct services, creating, packaging, billing, marketing, networking, blogging, research, structuring, social media, YouTube. I tend to group my work days between client session days (direct service) and then other days for administrative and business building tasks. **If you have dedicated “weekend days” each week, then you will have days without this task. Use them to focus on other categories you struggle to find time for on “work days”.


T – Together: For those of us who are introverts, it is important to make sure we have some form of pleasant and/or meaningful human connection each day. Even if it is just a quick phone or text convo – deliberate communication with those who make us feel seen/validated/understood is necessary when so many daily interactions can be shallow and invalidating.
&
A – Alone: For those with families & careers (especially moms) it is important for you to find (at a bare minimum) short breaks to be alone with yourself. Take some deep breaths, ground in your body, notice your own boundaries without the demands/wants/needs of everyone else being placed on you. Allow yourself this time to recenter.
**Most struggle with either one or the other of the together/alone diad based on how you’re wired (introvert/extravert) and the home/work structure.


L: Learning: Aim to increase your knowledge or skillset. Modern adult life is often stagnant – we get the necessary training for our jobs and then we repeat the behaviors of it for 40 years. Strive to become more well rounded. Practice art or music. Read. Explore. Learning doesn’t have to look like it did in school – find things that spark your passion and pursue them in whatever way appeals to you.


S: Spirit Fuel: Do something to purposely refill your spiritual coffers. Meditation, Prayer, Yoga, Art, Time Outside, Reading. (This category may overlap with your together/alone, learning & exercise tasks)

If you notice you missed any category 3+ days in a row, it’s probably time to
prioritize
problem solve &
schedule it
.

Remember the key to this is not perfection, but developing a system that actually works for you ( ADHD & Effective) and that you are willing to consistently follow through on (ADHD & All/Nothing).

I’d love to hear from others in the ADHD club who have flexible careers/lifestyles. How do you balance the demands of running a business successfully in late stage capitalism while having brain that despises monotony? Drop your tricks & tips in the comment section!

#trauma #ptsd #recovery #cptsd # hypervigilance #mentalhealth #wellness #treatment #insomnia #anxiety #depression #healing #healingispossible #shadowwork #facethedarkness #psychology #counseling #dbt #dialectics #selfcare #bpd #nonjudgmental #compassion #kindness #ego #hope #lifeworthliving #thrive #evolve #phoenix #resurrection #rebirth #life #holistic #metamorphosis #transform #transformation #lettinggo #nonattachment #jamieschmidt #awakeshegoes #jamieschmidtlpc #goodvibes #growth #selflove #selftalk #appearance #hair #dreadlock #dreads #dreadhead #redhead #selfconcept #love #thisisme #takeitorleaveit #jour

ADHD Life Hacks – Living in the Grey

I realized that I forgot one really important piece in yesterday’s ADHD Life Hacks post. As good as any system that I develop for myself is – I recognize that adaptation will be regularly necessary.

Being a person with ADHD – I easily fall into the all or nothing zone. Take journaling for example – I journaled 21 days in a row recently, and then I missed a day. Guess what?!?! Haven’t touched it since. I’m really good at doing things perfectly and consistently up until the moment I quit forever.

It’s not surprising – this is a really common struggle for the neruodiverse crew.

Many of the constructs that shape our perception of the world exist as dueling binaries: good & evil, male & female, black & white, all or nothing, Republican or Democrat. Because of this many people develop the tendency to sort their world into either/or piles.

One of the most common behavioral manifestation of this is my pattern: bouncing between striving for perfection & complete disengagement. (And let me tell you, that makes it really hard to achieve any type of growth/success in a capitalistic society.)

The key to combatting this all/nothing dilemma is to practice living in the grey
(also referred as Walking the Middle path in DBT).

To move away from that dualistic place we must begin to see life as a spectrum. When we get too close to either endpoint (on any spectrum but especially all/nothing), then we’re likely off balance. The closer we can find ourselves to the middle – the more balance we achieve in life.

I have experienced creative & therapeutic burnout at times. The way I’m wired, in the society we live in – it wouldn’t be realistic for me to think I won’t experience this again in the future. Thus I’ve accepted burnout is a vulnerability I should have a game plan for.

During these phases my urge is to completely shut down. To go to that place of zero productivity. But I have learned if I allow this to happen, I will spend my entire life playing catch up.

When I have the urge to completely disengage – I adjust my standard to one more reasonable to my current emotional / mental / physical state.

I said in my last post I aim to accomplish 5 tasks per week day (or about 30 tasks per week). When I’m in burnout that number might get reduced to 14 – two tasks every day.

This works on 2 levels psychologically:

  1. It’s the bare minimum to maintain my life. It in no way provides the necessary momentum for growth, but it will protect me from having a huge undertaking to dig myself out of.

2. Rarely do I ever just accomplish two things in a day. Once I have engaged to do that much, then I’ll likely naturally build on that momentum. I hold myself accountable to the two things that are the most urgent. Accomplishing those necessary tasks will release reward chemicals in the brain increasing motivation to engage in other tasks.

When that brain boost doesn’t result in extra productivity, that’s ok too! I still have a success I can claim for the day.

During these periods – I also practice a lot of non-judgmental stance. I do not beat myself up for being human. If there is a time where just keeping my head above water is the goal, then that is an acceptable and achievable standard.

I’m not going to live my whole life in this place. It would be stagnant and disheartening. And life has taught me that the cycle will pass. A reminder that on the upswings – we should still aim for balance in our lives. When feeling motivated and creative and productive – it is imperative to not fall too far down any one rabbit hole. Getting tunnel vision can lead to just as many consequences as completely shutting down.

So we walk towards the middle, and we adjust ourselves as we go, and we adjust ourselves as we go, so forth and so on…

Namaste my loves 💗

#trauma #ptsd #recovery #cptsd # hypervigilance #mentalhealth #wellness #treatment #insomnia #anxiety #depression #healing #healingispossible #shadowwork #facethedarkness #psychology #counseling #dbt #dialectics #selfcare #bpd #nonjudgmental #compassion #kindness #ego #hope #lifeworthliving #thrive #evolve #phoenix #resurrection #rebirth #life #holistic #metamorphosis #transform #transformation #lettinggo #nonattachment #jamieschmidt #awakeshegoes #jamieschmidtlpc #goodvibes #growth #selflove #selftalk #appearance #hair #dreadlock #dreads #dreadhead #redhead #selfconcept #love #thisisme #takeitorleaveit #jour

My ADHD Life Hacks – It’s All About Being Effective

This week one of my clients inquired about my ADHD and how I manage my schedule/life to be most effective to my neurodiverse needs. My initial response was – I’m not sure how much extrapolative advice I can give.

Due to early experiences of burnout cycles in my career, I’ve spent years tailoring my life to be sustainable under my unique needs. That means I work from home and provide significantly less direct service hours/week than most in my field. This has required a multiyear process of transforming and adapting my business model and how I view the services I offer.

Over the course of the week though, I have realized there is some method to the madness that I can share with my ADHD squad.

Exercise is imperative to my mood regulation. I aim to exercise 5 days week – this usually looks like 2 days of kickboxing with my trainer, 2-3 walks at a local nature preserve (I alternate between 3 different locations ranging from 1.3 – 2.7 miles). Other activities might be going to the pool, yoga (in studio or at home), horseback riding.

Anything that has me in nature and moving counts because the goal of this exercise is to release tension from my body through movement. In the past I’ve always associated exercise with weight loss. While I’d love to lose about 35 lbs right now – that is not where my focus is and not a goal I’m compounding with this.

I have a pretty serious supplement regiment (and it helps contribute to my other routines). I use a 3/day pill divider. Those doses help remind me to eat and give an artificial blocking to my often nebulous days. In the morning I typically take my first round without food – and to increase the effectiveness – I drink them with water. I prefer to start my day with Dr. Pepper, but I know that I’ve invested in these supplements and I want them to work – so I’ve paired a desired behavior with another desired behavior.

By starting my day with water consumption, I’m more likely to continue that pattern throughout the day. My second set pairs with lunch (and is a reminder to eat before 4 pm). Final set is at bedtime – another reminder to finish my day with proper hydration.

I also have a pretty serious sleep routine. I go to bed and wake up within an hour window at least 90% of the time. I don’t do late night events and I have no problem telling somebody thanks for the invite, but I’m in bed by 11. Sleep has been a battle my entire life and routine has been the thing that most helps regulate it.

I have a meditation practice that suits me. I am not a morning person. I don’t like waking up and I hate being jolted awake. No alarms here. In the morning, I wake up, stick my puppy outside, go to the bathroom, and then lay back down for anywhere from 20 minutes to 1.5 hours. (again I acknowledge that my life is tailored to my needs which has been a multi year process and this would not be sustainable for many people’s lives). My preference in this time is to doze back asleep – because I tend to have really vivid dreams during this period, which I then can lay in bed and interpret. Sometimes I sleep, sometimes I stay in that in-between space. I 100% consider this meditation – because it is a time without any extraneous noise – nobody is influencing my thought (I don’t turn on the TV or look at social media). This is my brain’s time to play and to set my intentions for the day.

I set a loose plan for each day. I try to accomplish 5 things on any given week day – a couple of days a week that looks like 4 client sessions + exercise + filming educational Tik Tok. Once I’ve done that I’m allowed to do whatever I want. On the days without sessions – tasks might include: personal appointments, phone calls, home chores, blogging, marketing, art, errands, etc…

I do 1 thing to feed my soul each weekend. Since I do not participate in organized religion, I give myself the task of doing something growth oriented. This might be a workshop or course at the yoga studio, a hike with my dog, intentional time with friends who are spiritual or just laying by the pool (because capitalism has moralized rest). Vintage hunting also falls in this category for me – I love the energy of antique malls and my spirit feels connected to generations past when I am surrounded by items that have endured.

I go grocery shopping on the same day every week (Thursday). This originally started because Z got paid on Thursday mornings, but it’s something I have realized really suits me. This way I go into the weekend with a stocked fridge and am way less tempted to splurge on meals out/convenience food. I also alternate between HEB (my preferred grocery location) and Walmart every other week. I try to rotate where I stock up on things like dry goods, household items on Walmart week. On HEB weeks I treat myself to some higher quality produce and prepackaged items.

I do not commit to things I don’t want to do. Because I have anxiety and am an introvert, I can spend days thinking about how miserable an upcoming event might be. So I say “No thank you” to a fair amount of invites.

I try to prepare for the week on Sunday. This is the day I do home chores that I don’t like. Let me acknowledge with ADHD my home is typically not near as clean as any of the spaces I grew up in. Cleanliness (like rest) has been moralized, used as a tool of our oppression. I had to set my own bar for my household and the standards I was OK with. I do not want to expend my energy sweeping and mopping ever single day – I find that really futile. So I do it once a week and that’s good enough for me.

I also do my laundry, make sure the dishes are run (if I start the week with an empty sink I’m much more likely to end with one), and refill my supplement pack. I do not do any work on Sunday. I usually cook a big meal which gives me leftovers for Monday (a session day for me).

The key to all this in DBT terms is EFFECTIVENESS. I do what works for me. As part of the ADHD club – that has required letting go of a lot of “shoulds” from my childhood. There is no perfect way to approach life and it is a constant process of assessing and modifying.

I’d love to hear what you find helpful from the list or your own personal modifications of some of these strategies. Feel free to share your tips & tricks in the comment section as well!

Happy human-ing 😊

After posting I realized there was one more really important piece – check out part 2 of this series.

Buffalo Magic

🦬🪄

Look at this beauty I made! I have wanted to attend one of @wildspirityogatx drum making ceremonies for years.

I’m so grateful I finally got to have this experience!!

I saw her in the pile of hides and immediately knew it was the piece for me to work with. As usual in my life she came with a lesson.

The first process is punching the holes along the outside for stringing. It took 3 punchers, 2 pieces of wood & assistance from two others to get the first hole in!!!

I was literally mortified that pretty much everyone had finished with their 16 holes and I had 1.

I was thinking to myself I’m going to still be here hammering while everyone else has a manifested a full drum already.

Then the magic happened – after the first two sets the rest punched seamlessly. Jen says there must have just been a strong fascia layer at that one point.

There’s so many lessons and metaphors in there for me:

  • When you can’t go it all alone, ask for help. Whoo is this uncomfortable for me. It is hard for me to ask for assistance from anyone. I’m a steadfast do it yourself kinda gal. But life wasn’t designed to be gone at alone. We exist as members of a community. Humans have always depended on tribal connections for survival. It is human to need modeling, teaching, or even just an extra set of hands.
  • It’s ok if you’re not at the same pace as everyone else. Another super hard one for this former GT kid to accept. For a good part of my life – I set the pace for my peers. I was the standard other’s hoped to beat. I truly cannot think of a single classroom situation in my life where I was halfway behind everyone else in the room. It definitely led to some emotions…
  • Frustration and shame don’t lead to solutions, validate your emotional experience and move to problem solving. I was experiencing justified anger – my goal was being blocked – I needed 16 holes in my hide and couldn’t get 1. I was feeling unjustified shame – my lack of skill was not going to get me ostracized from this group. I know for a fact that as long as I am willing to show up authentically and be actively engaged in my own journey – I am enough. So you validate the valid (anger) and you slough away the invalid (shame), which allows the emotions to pass through. Then you can move on to actually finding solutions.
  • Stop making excuses and do the things your soul truly desires. Someone spending money on things that truly care for my soul has always been hard to justify. I never struggled to find $7 for a pack of smokes, but a $15 yoga class is self indulgent (let alone a $200 drum that honestly how often am I going to use it). But life is always changing. That amazing teacher may not still be in studio next year. Participate in the things you truly desire. Allow yourself to indulge in the good things. It’s really helped my perspective – in the last year the studio has gone from pricing their events with “cost” to “investment.” I am worth investing in – especially my growth & peace.

I’ll be at the next drum circle. With my beauty!

Love & Light!

#trauma #ptsd #recovery #cptsd # hypervigilance #mentalhealth #wellness #treatment #insomnia #anxiety #depression #healing #healingispossible #shadowwork #facethedarkness #psychology #counseling #dbt #dialectics #selfcare #bpd #nonjudgmental #compassion #kindness #ego #hope #lifeworthliving #thrive #evolve #phoenix #resurrection #rebirth #life #holistic #metamorphosis #transform #transformation #lettinggo #nonattachment #jamieschmidt #awakeshegoes #jamieschmidtlpc #goodvibes #growth #selflove #selftalk #appearance #hair #dreadlock #dreads #dreadhead #redhead #selfconcept #love #thisisme #takeitorleaveit #jour

#trauma #ptsd #recovery #cptsd # hypervigilance #mentalhealth #wellness #treatment #insomnia #anxiety #depression #healing #healingispossible #shadowwork #facethedarkness #psychology #counseling #dbt #dialectics #selfcare #bpd #nonjudgmental #compassion #kindness #ego #hope #lifeworthliving #thrive #evolve #phoenix #resurrection #rebirth #life #holistic #metamorphosis #transform #transformation #lettinggo #nonattachment #jamieschmidt #awakeshegoes #jamieschmidtlpc #goodvibes #growth #selflove #selftalk #appearance #hair #dreadlock #dreads #dreadhead #redhead #selfconcept #love #thisisme #takeitorleaveit #jour

DBT MINDFULNESS “HOW” Skills

DBT divides mindfulness into two core skill sets:

What Skills
3 verbs:
OBSERVE
DESCRIBE
PARTICIPATE

How Skills
3 adverbs:
NON-JUDGMENTAL STANCE
ONE-MINDFULLY
EFFECTIVE

#trauma #ptsd #recovery #cptsd # hypervigilance #mentalhealth #wellness #treatment #insomnia #anxiety #depression #healing #healingispossible #shadowwork #facethedarkness #psychology #counseling #dbt #dialectics #selfcare #bpd #nonjudgmental #compassion #kindness #ego #hope #lifeworthliving #thrive #evolve #phoenix #resurrection #rebirth #life #holistic #metamorphosis #transform #transformation #lettinggo #nonattachment #jamieschmidt #awakeshegoes #jamieschmidtlpc #goodvibes #growth #selflove #selftalk #appearance #hair #dreadlock #dreads #dreadhead #redhead #selfconcept #love #thisisme #takeitorleaveit #jour

If you are interested in learning the DBT Skills – I offer several modes of virtual instruction, including my signature DBT Skills in 90 – learn the skills in 1/2 the time of a traditional DBT group! Head over to my coaching site ⬇️ to get all the details!

When “I’m Bored” is really “I’m Lonely”

Ever on life’s journey of healing, I have found the focus of my “work” this spring has been attending to the wounds of late childhood (8-13). In the past few weeks, this has culminated in several moments of illumination. Like big picture – connect the dots in a way that has been extremely validating to my soul. This was by far the most impactful realization:

I am an only child. I was primarily raised by my mother and her second husband. Today both are semi-retried, successful small business owners. Unfortunately during my developmental years – they were fully in the grind. You know the Puritan influenced capitalistic expectation – work and productivity must be your highest priority so that you can proclaim your rank as a “successful’ member of society. We live in a society that greatly overvalues external validation.

I was expected to entertain myself as well as contribute a decent amount to the household maintenance. Multiple nights each week I prepared dinner for the family, as well as sweeping, vacuuming, never leaving anything out of place, and attending to outside chores as well. My least favorite task was to water the dozen’s of potted plants my mom kept along the back porch. (Just realized this is the reason I’ve managed to kill every plant I’ve ever bought. I totally forgot how much I resented it was my duty to upkeep her hobby that I personally received no enjoyment from whatsoever).

My mom ran her business from our home and she spent the majority of my childhood in her office – two doors down from my bedroom. I remember so many occasions, walking into her office and telling her:

“I’m bored.”

In her household, this phrase was akin to a swear word. It was not met with inquiry or validation. I was simply a bother to be dismissed – usually with a task to complete so that I wouldn’t feel the need to express myself anymore. Eventually I realized that this would only cost me more effort, and I stopped airing my discontent out loud.

It had never crossed my mind that my statement I’m bored was actually the best language I had to express the emotional state of I’m lonely. Attending to my emotional needs (or anyones quite frankly) was not a priority of my family.

Never did an adult suggest that maybe what I was experiencing was not a lack of entertainment but a yearning for connection.

As I think about it now – it’s almost laughable. I was a super smart, fairly spectrum-y kid. I was excellent at entertaining myself. Chapter books were my best friend, plus I could easily spend hours in worlds of my own creation (Barbies or Breyer horses). But I was often lonely. I didn’t have siblings or cousins or neighborhood kids to interact with. Since I attended private school – most of my friends were a half hour drive away.

My television time was strictly limited – so I guess – the assumption was if I was “bored” I was negotiating for more television. What a difference it might have made – if anyone had taken the time to just ask me what was going on inside. Was I out of things to do? Or did was I looking for interaction, validation that my existence mattered?

One of my most frequent discussions with clients is regarding core beliefs. Those two or three messages we internalize from childhood that set the path for how we live our life. A long time ago someone identified one of mine as Jamie is less than. Felt pretty accurate at the time, so I’ve done the work around that for years.

This exploration has allowed me to get more precise when labeling this core belief:
Jamie’s emotional needs are a nuisance.

That tweak – is a compass on my healing journey – it sheds light on the next direction of my work – as there will always be work to do be done.

Once I had this clarification, I was able to label two of the contingencies/rules I still struggle with in my life:
1) It is better to stay silent about my experience, than to reach out and receive punishment for it.
2) My needs are always less important than the demands of work (whether that be my job or the people I care about).

With each new level of awareness, I find myself shedding skins. Each skin an identity placed on me without consent. Those identities did not serve my soul. They did not honor my spirit. They served only to make me a better member of the institution.

I have a lot of grief. Sadness that we live in a society where children’s spirits are never properly attended to because mothers are too busy providing financially.

Mentally healthy adults are a result of secure attachment. Secure attachment occurs when children have predictable, loving caretakers. Parents who model limits, respect, emotional language & validation.

The American model doesn’t support the type of childhood for emotionally healthy individual to germinate. Truthfully why would it – there troubled teen industry, school to prison pipeline, big Pharma – they’re all business that require a certain percentage of the population to be broken beyond repair…

#trauma #ptsd #recovery #cptsd # hypervigilance #mentalhealth #wellness #treatment #insomnia #anxiety #depression #healing #healingispossible #shadowwork #facethedarkness #psychology #counseling #dbt #dialectics #selfcare #bpd #nonjudgmental #compassion #kindness #ego #hope #lifeworthliving #thrive #evolve #phoenix #resurrection #rebirth #life #holistic #metamorphosis #transform #transformation #lettinggo #nonattachment #jamieschmidt #awakeshegoes #jamieschmidtlpc #goodvibes #growth #selflove #selftalk #appearance #hair #dreadlock #dreads #dreadhead #redhead #selfconcept #love #thisisme #takeitorleaveit #jour

Happy Pride Y’all

I wanted to share this IG post with y’all as well.
I realize I have not shared much (if any) about this aspect of my identity & June is the month to do it 😊🏳️‍🌈

I received this message this morning. Boy did it bring out the boo-hoo’s in me!! This is the first time in my life a straight Christian woman acknowledged my sexual identity is something I am proud of.

My #alphabetmafia journey…like everything else in my life was not a straight path. 

I did not acknowledge my bisexuality until my late 20s (even to myself). I had always found women attractive but being a person who lives in the south and struggles with mental health I justified it was just “safer” to be straight. 

I can now label that process as internalized homophobia from a childhood of religious indoctrination. 

Throughout my life I’ve had many close friends who were out. Often times I had been the butt of a joke that there was no way I was fully straight. 

In May of 2019 – I broke off an engagement. It was a horribly toxic relationship and many factors contributed to its deminse. Knowing I would be forced to live the rest of my life without acknowledging my true identity was one of them. 

From fall of 2019 – spring 2020 I came out to the few family members I am in contact with. I think I had the conversation with my dad maybe a month before the world shut down for covid. 

I don’t know how much of my larger circle knows how I identify. I’m in a relationship with a man – so it’s easy to assume.

Even if outwardly my life does not appear that different, the journey has had great impact on my soul. Two years of living my truth has been good. It meant the world to me to get this beautiful message from a friend this morning 💗

Happy #pride y’all!

#trauma #ptsd #recovery #cptsd # hypervigilance #mentalhealth #wellness #treatment #insomnia #anxiety #depression #healing #healingispossible #shadowwork #facethedarkness #psychology #counseling #dbt #dialectics #selfcare #bpd #nonjudgmental #compassion #kindness #ego #hope #lifeworthliving #thrive #evolve #phoenix #resurrection #rebirth #life #holistic #metamorphosis #transform #transformation #lettinggo #nonattachment #jamieschmidt #awakeshegoes #jamieschmidtlpc #goodvibes #growth #selflove #selftalk #appearance #hair #dreadlock #dreads #dreadhead #redhead #selfconcept #love #thisisme #takeitorleaveit #jour

Fuck You Greg – Thoughts to gov abbot Regarding Texas SB 8

I’m currently 31 years old. I’ve never had an abortion, as I have never been pregnant.

As an emotionally sensitive child, I spent a good amount of my childhood observing how exhausted the adults around me were. My parents were divorced and I was keen enough to pick up on the fact that my presence was often a burden. I internalized a lot of those messages when I was younger, and to this day I still struggle with feelings of worthiness.

Because of this, I have always known that children were not part of my life path.

I started on birth control when I was 17. The first product I used was Nuvaring which doubled in price from $40 to $80 / month in the 2.5 years I was on it (2007-2010).

I got my first Mirena IUD when I was 20. I replaced it when I was 27, and removed the second one right before my 31 birthday. All together, I paid approximately $4,500 out of pocket for 13 years of birth control – it was NEVER covered by my insurance.

In July of last year I found out I had precancerous cells on my cerevix. I had my IUD removed and my doctor wrote a prescription to go back on the Nuvaring. After doing my own research I decided the best approach for my health was to cease hormonal birth control, quit smoking (after 15 years) and begin a fairly aggressive supplement regiment.

Thus for the first time in my adult life I’m not on birth control SOLELY because research shows that it contributes to the growth of these harmful cells.

It’s been about 10 months since I’ve been off it & I haven’t had a pregnancy scare. Which isn’t surprising. I’m a full fledged adult. I understand the mechanics of conception & contraception. I’m in a committed monogamous relationship and we use condoms EVERY time. There is also a decent likelihood that my gynecological health concerns would prevent pregnancy from occurring.

Thanks to Texas Republicans’ decision last week, I’ve got a new anxiety to hyper focus on:

What if I were to get pregnant?

A right that I have been guaranteed access to my entire life – will suddenly no longer readily be available to me (staring in September). This decision is TRAUMA. As a woman – I have now been blatantly told by my state that my right to bodily autonomy guaranteed by Roe v Way (since 1973 – 16 years prior to my birth) does not matter.

To be clear if I were to get pregnant – this law would not change the outcome for me. I do not want children and I have done everything to prevent the occurrence of one in my body (including having constant hormones implanted in my body for 11 years which likely accelerated if not straight up caused my cancerous growth).

I personally have the resources. The process would cost me thousands of extra dollars though. My partner would have to take off work to accompany me, two plane tickets, hotels etc… (Side note: I’d have the procedure done in Mexico city where any woman can receive one prior to 12 weeks. Isn’t that fucking crazy – a Catholic country – I could receive better women’s healthcare than in the good old USA!?) I can’t imagine having to jump through all those hoops – the emotional toll of course would undoubtedly be exponentially greater.

I’m grateful that I have the access to enough cash / credit that legal and safe options will always be available to me. I recognize this is part of the privilege I have been afforded in life. Many people just fucking don’t have that security. Or you know at best could come up with bus fare, but would have to endure hard travel alone while recovering. SECONDARY TRAUMA.

This law is a War on Women. We have to speak up, we have to fight back!

Its time to say – #goodbyegreg!

With population changes and the influx of California tech companies – Texas will be blue. It’s inevitable – that’s why they are passing all these insane laws They see their time is up. These forced birth babies won’t be able to vote for 18 years – you can’t rebuild your base that way.

This law is horse shit & I will not reside in a place that treats my rights with such disdain. Here’s to hoping my state will be worthy of coming home to after election season in 2022!!

**This blog is my personal space. It is not a debate platform. If you have viewpoints opposing to mine – I encourage you to purchase your own domain and take the time to compose your own well thought out post. My comment section is not the place for it. All comments will be pending approval. We are all entitled to our own opinions, AND this is MY 100% #prochoice space.

#trauma #ptsd #recovery #cptsd # hypervigilance #mentalhealth #wellness #treatment #insomnia #anxiety #depression #healing #healingispossible #shadowwork #facethedarkness #psychology #counseling #dbt #dialectics #selfcare #bpd #nonjudgmental #compassion #kindness #ego #hope #lifeworthliving #thrive #evolve #phoenix #resurrection #rebirth #life #holistic #metamorphosis #transform #transformation #lettinggo #nonattachment #jamieschmidt #awakeshegoes #jamieschmidtlpc #goodvibes #growth #selflove #selftalk #appearance #hair #dreadlock #dreads #dreadhead #redhead #selfconcept #love #thisisme #takeitorleaveit #jour

My Break Up Letter to Texas

All my life, I have been very proud to be a Texan. I grew up in a suburb of Houston and have never lived farther than a couple hours from the city. I have degrees from Texas A&M #tamu and University of Houston #gocoogs. While I have experienced wanderlust a couple of times in my life, the pull for the adventure has never outweighed the true COMFORT of home with its unique Southern / Tex-Mex culture.

In my last post (6 weeks ago), I discussed the depression I have experienced since Winter Storm Uri which hit Texas the week of February 14th 2021. The inability of our grid (ERCOT) to provide the services of electricity (to meet market demand) led to billions of dollars in personal property damages and contributed to the loss of 111 lives.

Oh and our senator and his wife, their kids (plus friends) and colleagues rode out the storm in Cancun while millions of Texans were trapped inside their 15 degree homes (because that’s totally cool right?).

After a year of watching the US fumble the first year of the COVID-19 pandemic, (I thought) this was the final blow to my respect for our institutions. All of which have been allowed to miserably fail the populace while continuing to expect docile subjugation. Since February, it has been a daily mental battle to find the willingness to get out of bed and participate in the institution that is capitalism in the United States.

And then this happened last Friday….
Texas governor signs abortion bill banning procedure as early as six weeks into pregnancy

That’s it – we are living in the dystopian nightmares that we read about in junior high. It is all unfolding exactly like we were taught it would.

I have always been pro-choice – even with my evangelical Republican upbringing. While I was a planned and wanted child, my parents divorced when I was four. I often noticed in my childhood that my presence was a burden to them, that they were grateful to be able to pass me off.

Being a “terribly wanted child” who spent most of my time feeling unwanted – it has just always been obvious to me that women shouldn’t be forced to have children they don’t want.

I chose to do my final presentation in 9th grade speech class on Pro-choice. Let’s just say it was not a popular standpoint among my classmates in my conservative public Texas high school in 2003. Already at that age it was important for me to discuss FACTS when I knew so many of my peers were forming their opinions on their parent’s religious views.

As a psychotherapist who specializes in the treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and complex trauma, let me articulate a few of the many psychological impacts of being raised by a person who resents that you exist (possibly even to the extent that they view your life as continued trauma because you are the physical embodiment government theft of bodily autonomy).

First let’s discuss the energetic impact of gestating in a woman who hates you, views you as a parasite. This is pre-birth soul trauma. Before this baby has even taken a breath it has received millions of conscious and subconscious signals from the mother that “it is bad.” The fundamental building block of shame – I am so unworthy that I do not deserve to be part of the collective – is programmed into these babies’ DNA.

In DBT we refer to this as a vulnerability factor – something preexisting that affects your ability to regulate emotions. Ask any adopted child – even though they have been chosen by their new families, they almost universally struggle with feelings of shame rooted in rejection from their biological mother.

Add in the physical implications of forming inside a person who fundamentally does not want you to exist. Do you think these mothers will miss work to attend prenatal appointments (that they have to pay for) or abstain from their substance of choice during forced pregnancy? Go ahead and compound your soul trauma with increased health concerns that are the inevitable result of an unattended to pregnancy.

The law is forcing these babies to be born with two strikes against them before they take their first breath. Yet they will be expected to become healthy, productive members of society (and when they inevitably do not they will be told it is due to their own personal shortcomings not the system that has been stacked completely against them).

I think we can agree that society benefits when adults are well adjusted. This usually means lacking significant trauma histories and possessing secure attachment styles. It’s not super complex.

In fact we can even break down a fairly simple formula for mentally healthy adults:

Love + Acceptance + Presence of Emotionally Available Adults to Model Effective Behaviors & Respect for Boundaries
=
Secure Attachment + Complete Sense of Self + Resiliency to Navigate the Inevitable Trials of Life

The likelihood of children who are “forced birth” to receive any of the necessary building blocks for a successful adulthood is almost zero. Growing up with a parent who resents your existence is one of the primary building blocks of BPD. The shame that comes from needing nurturance from a person who outwardly dislikes you is one of the primary fueling factors of the chronic feelings of suicidality present with this diagnosis.

The other outcome – that these children end up adopted or in foster care. We’ll just let Texas’s track record speak for itself. Statistically we know that children raised in state care will possess higher ACE (adverse childhood experience) scores which leave them vulnerable to a whole host of physical and mental health diagnoses throughout life.

This law will only serve to create a cohort of children whose lives are steeped in pain, shame & heart wrenching struggles. So I ask Governor Abbot – why do you hate these fetuses so much? That you would wish upon them an existence a full lifetime of despair.

I am in the process of relocating out of the state. My partner and I will be gone by the end of summer. It makes me sad that I will be unable to vote for your opponent next year. But I am wholeheartedly unwilling to to reside in a place with the most oppressive laws against women in the nation. You should be ashamed of yourself, Greg. I truly hope this was the move that puts a women in your office in 2022.

**This blog is my personal space. It is not a debate platform. If you have viewpoints opposing to mine – I encourage you to purchase your own domain and take the time to compose your own well thought out post. My comment section is not the place for it. All comments will be pending approval. We are all entitled to our own opinions, AND this is MY 100% #prochoice space.

#trauma #ptsd #recovery #cptsd # hypervigilance #mentalhealth #wellness #treatment #insomnia #anxiety #depression #healing #healingispossible #shadowwork #facethedarkness #psychology #counseling #dbt #dialectics #selfcare #bpd #nonjudgmental #compassion #kindness #ego #hope #lifeworthliving #thrive #evolve #phoenix #resurrection #rebirth #life #holistic #metamorphosis #transform #transformation #lettinggo #nonattachment #jamieschmidt #awakeshegoes #jamieschmidtlpc #goodvibes #growth #selflove #selftalk #appearance #hair #dreadlock #dreads #dreadhead #redhead #selfconcept #love #thisisme #takeitorleaveit #jour